Not That Complicated

Friday a wave of grief hit me like a mac truck .   I don’t know why I was shocked.  A fall on the way to work didn’t help set the tone.  I was reminded of how unhealthy I am as I struggled to get up off the floor with a previous leg injury, osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, a deformed knee and morbid obesity all fighting against me.  In my stubbornness, of course I insisted on doing it myself, which probably prolonged the event by 20 minutes.   By the time I got to work I was wore out, weak, shaky, and just thankful that a weekend was coming.  I came back to work two weeks ago.  The diversion has been good and for the most part I’ve been able to move on, business as usual.  But not yesterday.  I was stripped down to my most vulnerable parts.  It started when I was introduced to a young woman whose husband had been someone who had been meeting with Josh to pray and talk.  She and her husband, Blake, had a small group of college aged adults that met in their home on a weekly bas

July 23, 2017 Joshua Caleb Martin died in a traffic accident. It’s one month later and it feels like it was last week and a year ago at the same time.  The entire journey of pain has been a mix of bitter and sweet.  At the moment my heart was ripping in half, God kept pulling me closer, comforting me and assuring me that it will be OK.  Friends from all corners of my life rallied around.  People I hadn’t seen in 15 years showed up to tell me how much they cared.  Co-workers started a GoFundMe page that took off like wildfire.  A celebration of Josh’s life brought out people I had never met to share stories and laughs and memories of the bright light that was Joshua Caleb Martin. Those first few weeks were so special and necessary.  Today, though, I find I am in a new place .  Anger rears it’s head and agitates me at work, at home, wherever.  The underlying feeling is MAD.  I am mad!  I am mad about the things I can’t control.  I’m mad that it has been 4 weeks and I still h