Keep Holding Me
I'm wired to exceed expectations during the toughest times. I'm wired to cope, to push through, to find the spiritual silver lining in all of the pain. Then about six months after the fact, when people expect that things should be moving forward for me, I'm falling apart. It's been a predictable pattern throughout my life that I first experienced when I lost twins at 22 weeks in my early 20's. And so here we are, almost 6 months after Josh has been gone and I've cried everyday this week and completely feel like I'm coming unraveled. The broken furnace and frozen pipes helped to push me to my breaking point.. They were cruel reminders that my son wasn't around to lend a hand. He wasn't there to call. He wasn't there to help me figure out what needed to be done. He wasn't there to point out the irony and humor in all that was happening. While driving to work on Wednesday, crying I finally spoke out loud the obvious truth I'v